What You Can Do To Cope With Loneliness?

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Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

You can learn to cope with loneliness even if it doesn’t seem that way right now. There is always hope. In this blog post, I will emphasise on some practical coping mechanisms for you.

Most people assume that loneliness is limited to single people. This is not true. Recently I went out to dinner with friends who I have not seen in years. I have been feeling rather isolated. I usually work from home so I hardly get to socialise with colleagues and friends.

After much deliberation and contemplation, I thought why not?

Surely I deserve a night out to unwind and catch up. It’s been a tough year and two of my friends have lost family members.

I planned a small get together. I was a bit anxious to meet everyone again since it has been a while. A lot has changed during the past year for all of us.

Some of my friends lost their jobs. Some are trying to cope with working from a home office. Some have recent additions to the family.

As for me, business has been slow. I have been working on editing my book which I wrote during the pandemic.

What’s more is that I have also put on tons of weight. This is something which makes me pretty self-conscious around people.

That morning, I hunted in my closet for the perfect outfit, until my bedroom looked like I was having a garage sale.

Finally, after spending an hour at the hair salon, getting a very pricey haircut and a keratin treatment, my confidence level went up a notch or two.

The next stop was at my beauty therapist. I had a full facial and threading done too. I was now ready for dinner with everyone.

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When I got to the V & A Waterfront, as usual I was the first one there. I browsed through some stores and then spotted one of my crazy very bubbly friends.

Naturally I was excited to see her.

She was walking towards me, but I doubt that she noticed I was there. She seemed to be in a whole world of her own.

“Hey! I said.”

She looked at me almost as if she was looking past me. We hugged and she teased me about  my weight gain. I went on with her about her being so skinny. It is our never ending and usual banter whenever we meet.

We found a table big enough for the six of us. As we were contemplating our drink orders, I realised she was pretty subdued today. Usually, Amina is loud. She is hilarious with a dry sense of humour. I tried to ignite meaningful conversation, however, she just brushed me off.

After about fifteen minutes, I exploded:

 “ Did you have a fight with your husband again? Why do you look like that?”

 Obviously, we go years back, so I can speak to her in this way. I was not prepared for the sudden tears which welled up in her eyes or the pain I saw there.

I knew I had put my foot in it. She took my hand and squeezed it after I apologised a billion times, feeling like an insensitive fool.

“It’s okay!” she said.

I have not been myself lately.

“I feel so lonely,” she confessed. I was at a loss for words, shocked at what she was saying.

” How can you be lonely with a house full of people Amina?” I asked her.

Amina is a doctor who specialises in aesthetics. She has an enormous home in the leafy suburbs with four children, a husband, a dog and a cat.

They have a rather luxurious lifestyle with two maids to assist her. Her mom and dad live right next door to them.

How on earth can she be lonely? I thought as our drinks arrived. I sipped on my virgin Mojito to hide my discomfort.

Was she mocking me? I wondered. I mean, I am the single mom and recluse. I am the one who should be lonely. I am the one who sometimes struggles to cope with loneliness.

She spoke about feeling disconnected to everyone.

I could not understand how this was possible until she explained herself. Her husband is a busy accountant who spends most of his time working.

He often comes home pretty late. Her sons are usually at uni or out with friends now that there is a lift on the curfew.

Her teenage daughters are always bickering among themselves. She is the referee during their arguments.

Her folks are old and whenever she visits them, her mom is always complaining about something or the other.

She feels like she has nobody to talk to and it’s getting to her. I smiled and nodded at her trying to be compassionate and understanding. After all, Amina has always been the loud, confident one in our group. Hearing her speak about loneliness prompted me to research and write about it.

What Is The Definition Of Loneliness?

Long bouts of social isolation usually characterise loneliness. It’s a deeper feeling of not being able to connect with people. Sometimes it’s due to physically being divided and separated from friends and family. Other times, loneliness can occur from a lack of self-esteem. Loneliness can make you feel inadequate and even increase self loathing.

What Signs Should You Look For When It Comes To Loneliness?

• When see someone who is usually the life of every party, we automatically assume that this person is confident and happy. It’s so easy to put on a cheerful face for the world to see when we are actually dying inside. Some cope with loneliness by hiding it well.

• You may find yourself unable to have relationships with meaning and intimacy. Your relationships may just be on the surface. Deeper connections are rare.

• You may have tons of people who you know, yet you don’t have any real friends who actually understand you.

• You usually feel as if you are living more in your own head. You can be surrounded by people, whether friends, strangers or family, but you still feel left out. You feel different.

• You are always comparing yourself to others and finding that you fall short. You have a negative self-worth.

• Your energy waxes and wanes after spending time with enormous crowds of people. You feel drained with social interactions.

• Sometimes you may feel like the energy you put into relationships is not reciprocated. This can be a very lonely feeling.

Newsflash: If You Can’t Cope With Loneliness, It Can Eventually Kill You.

That’s right, whether you like it or not, you must find a solution to cope with Loneliness. There are some major health repercussions to being chronically lonely.

People who are lonely are usually stressed out. This means that their cortisol levels are high. When your cortisol levels are too high, this can wreak havoc with your body. It creates unnecessary health issues that you don’t need.

This could cause major health issues such as heart disease, diabetes, mental health issues, sleep disorders and even immune disorders.

People who are fulfilled obviously live longer lives. As human beings we are made to be part of packs and communities. When we feel isolated, it goes against our very nature.

The recent pandemic has wiped out families. Currently, there are more people who are living in isolation after losing family members, children and spouses.

What Is The Solution To Coping With Loneliness?

There isn’t a magical silver bullet that solves this issue. It will take a while to be resolved. It requires strength, tenacity and patience. If you have a strong desire to get out of this state, here is what you can do to cope with loneliness:

1. Admit that you are actually lonely. Many people are ashamed to say that they feel this way. I know of so many women who are divorced and lonely. The last words on their vocabulary list is: ‘I feel lonely.’ I mean nobody wants others to engage with them out of pity. I know of friends who paint a picture of loving their life after divorce. Then they go home and cry themselves to sleep. If you want genuine connections, maybe you should start being transparent too.
2. Speak about your feelings to others. Reaching out to people does not make you weak. Sometimes speaking about your feelings can lead to revelations about people. Maybe there are others just like you, facing the same issues. In this way you realise you are not alone.
3. Take that first step. Do whatever you need to put yourself out there. Sometimes people are spoilt and lazy about making that first move. If you put in some effort to get together with friends and family, they will reciprocate the effort too.
4. Don’t make life all about you. Other people have their own problems to deal with. Be that personality that makes others smile. When you reach out and offer a helping hand, it’s a healing power for yourself too.
5. Exercise contributes to your dopamine and serotonin levels. I cannot stress the importance of exercise as a coping mechanism. Use it to cope with loneliness, because I swear it really helps. It helps with your hormones and it helps with your self-esteem as well.
6. Keep moving. What I mean is don’t wallow in self pity and become stuck. Do the things that you love doing. Hobbies and activities take your mind off your isolation and loneliness. In fact, you can find hobbies and crafts to engage in which involves other people.
7. Find a support group if you are suffering from bereavement. There are many online groups.
8. Get help from a trusted therapist. There are some skills which they are trained to equip you with.
9. Prayer and meditation helps to cope with loneliness. It brings hope. Knowing that there is a higher power means that you will never be alone. Knowing that your fate has been pre- ordained means that you must accept the things you cannot change. A spiritual connection brings peace to the soul. Actively participating in prayers has a calming effect on the mind.

Final Words:

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Before I end this blog post, I need you to understand that it is not a sign of weakness to admit when you are lonely. Admitting how you feel could be the start of coping with loneliness. You are not as alone as you think you are.

In a world where technology has advanced, there are many ways where you can reach out to someone. There are billions of people on this planet. There are just as many good people who will hold your hand and walk with you on your journey called life.

It’s up to you to decide how long you will allow loneliness to be your closest companion. No matter what your circumstances may be, it doesn’t always have to remain that way. You will cope with loneliness if you make the effort to do so. You will get through this. Best you believe that!

With love!

Shamz

XXX

Natural Organic Turmeric – Is It A Golden Spice?

Natural Organic Turmeric is known as a potent anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant. It’s created quite the stir among health fanatics.

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  Try Using Whole Natural And Organic Tumeric And Not In It’s Powdered Form

As someone who cooks with spices regularly, I have often been asked if turmeric really has healing powers. My answer remains the same. In my opinion, turmeric is definitely a unique spice with numerous medicinal benefits. It’s been used for generations as the golden spice for the prevention of many illnesses and diseases. Turmeric is a natural preventer of heart disease, diabetes, fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis.

Here is some great news:

Since I have been using natural, organic, turmeric, its helped immensely to relieve me of my pain from fibromyalgia! Although many people have healed from the use of organic home remedies, not everyone who has been afflicted by certain illnesses are instantly healed. It’s a long process of prolonged use and cutting back on processed foods, gluten and sugar, which will grant you your long awaited miracle.

Health Advice From Elders

If you are an Indian at some point in your life, you have probably been advised by elders in your family, to use turmeric and milk at the onset of the common cold. By now, you are probably wondering what tumeric tastes like. Tumeric has an earthy and very slight pepperish taste.

If you are used to eating spicy food, you won’t fall over from the slightly bitter taste. It gives you a tiny burn at the back of your throat upon initial ingestion. Regardless, I can honestly assure you that if you add a teaspoon full of honey to this mixture its bound to taste like a rich luxurious drink instead of something medicinal. If you stick around, I will give you my recipe for turmeric latte. You’re going to love it!

Turmeric Enhances Your Beauty

Just off the topic, I am not sure if you are aware of this, but Indian brides also use turmeric to whiten their skin and remove impurities during bridal ceremonies. You can make your own paste at home whenever you want to give your skin a natural healthy glow. Keep reading right till the end for two of my treasured recipes.

Here Is Why You Should Add Natural Organic Turmeric To Your Daily Diet:

• If you want to have a sound mind and prevent dementia, it will help to keep your memory intact.
• You will no longer experience physical muscular pain, joint pain and sore tendons because turmeric will strengthen your digestive system, as well as your muscles and bones and prevent pain.
• You will literally glow from within if you consider following a balanced diet with enough turmeric to prevent the onset of unwanted illnesses.

Finally, here is my recipe for TURMERIC LATTE:

Ingredients

250ml of organic coconut milk/soya milk;

A piece of whole stick cinnamon;

A piece of ginger;

A piece of natural, whole,.organic, turmeric or a teaspoon of powdered turmeric;

One full teaspoon of raw honey;

A stick of pure vanilla

Method

Throw all of this together in a pot on medium to low heat and stir until the coconut milk is infused with all the flavours and essential oils drawn from the whole spices. Bring it to a boil. Remove the spices and strain it into a blender, when this cools down. Give it one quick whizz. Pour it out into a pretty mug and sip this gradually, savouring the taste.

Natural Tumeric Face Mask:

Ingredients

One teaspoon of turmeric powder;

One teaspoon of pure honey;

One tablespoon of gram flour;

One teaspoon of rose water;

 Some milk to make a smooth paste.

Method:

Hand blend all these ingredients together until its smoot but not too runny. Apply this to your face.

Leave this on for 15 minutes and then rinse it out and pat your face dry with a towel. You will notice a visible difference almost immediately. Try it whenever you want to feel pampered and loved.

Conclusion:

I hope that these recipes help to heal you from the inside out! Although I am not completely cured from Fibromyalgia, this natural and organic remedy has eased up my pain by about fifty percent. You should try it too. Just make sure that your ingredients are fresh, natural, whole and organic.

Keep well and keep safe until my next blog post.

With much love Shamz!

7 Tips To Stay Sane Amidst The Madness Of A Lockdown

Pandemic

Staying sane amidst a pandemic can be the most trying experience even for the strongest among us. I will be honest, never since the history of my existence, did I ever expect to be living in an era where I would experience a pandemic. Its scary as hell for me, someone who suffers from anxiety. Literally everyone I know is afraid of the COVID-19 virus.

The Smell Of Death Has Surrounded Us.

There are those who are living in first world countries with many resources, and at this moment in time even they are falling short on assisting the citizens of their country, due to a lack of resources and infrastructure.

Why South African’s Are Panicking?

We in South Africa, as a third world nation, are already facing diseases such as T.B and H.I.V and with COVID-19, this could surely spell disaster and serious trouble.

So if you want to know what you can do to prevent your mind from falling into a downward spiral while you are in lockdown, I suggest that you take heed of what I am about to say.

The key to staying sane during these trying times is prayer, perseverance and having something to do with yourself, other than binging on food and Netflix. (As tempting as that may sound)

For the first time in a long time, many people will be together at home, with their families for such a long period of time. This enables each person to reflect on their lives. For some, this introspection could mean facing some harsh truths and, this could be a Godsend.

Want To Know How To Make Use Of Your Time?

1. Firstly limit your intake and interaction on social media. If you are someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, the media will drive you to insanity with cases of those who have been infected and you will undoubtedly sink further into depression.
2. Set a daily routine for yourself. Do Not stay in your pajama’s all day or sleep the entire three weeks of lockdown. Keep your home clean and work out too.
3. Practise an intense regimen of personal hygiene and take necessary precautions should you leave your home for essentials. Eat healthy. Avoid certain foods such as cold drinks etc.
4. Pray. Pray. Pray. Yes, you heard right, the secret to happiness and contentment lies in prayer and meditation – contemplate your very existence. Why were you put on this earth to begin with? Have you ever thought about that? Everyone has a purpose and if you are not living out your purpose, then perhaps it is time to do something about it.
5. Other than social media the internet is swarming with educational resources to equip you with new skills. I reckon, this learning curve could land you the job of your dreams when you are out of quarantine/lockdown. Yes, you will get out of this alive, don’t worry.
6. You can still communicate with loved ones and friends via specific channels. This is the opportunity you have been waiting for, to make amends with those you have neglected.
7. For those of you who are Muslim, prepare for the upcoming fasting month in terms of increasing certain prayers and seeking forgiveness from the almighty.

Final Words:

Understand two things clearly, you are not in control of your destiny. Do you remember all of the plans you had for this year? Oh dear, I had many of those too. There is a higher power who can wipe out nations in an instant. This very same Allah (GOD) can also create miracles, overnight. Yes, life as we know it will never be the same again for any of us, even if we did not lose a single loved one through this virus, there are repercussions that accompany this pandemic. The world as you know it, will undoubtedly change, perhaps for the worst, or maybe, just maybe for the better. Despite things looking rather bleak at the moment, adapt an optimistic attitude and a positive outlook and believe me, this will get you through anything, at all, that you have to face.

The Cost Of Beauty And Glamour- How Much is Too Much?

The cost of beauty and glamour is on the rise. Everyone wants to look good and feel good these days, don’t they? How far should you go and how much of make-up is too much?

If an internationally acclaimed model was to give you make up tips you would more than likely take her advise than you would take mine, because I am just an ordinary woman, not a celebrity. That being said I must add this:

Internationally acclaimed models have a job to do and that is to sell a certain brand of make up to you. They don’t really care about your skincare routine or your recent blemishes and skin problems. What they care about is getting you to purchase and try everything new on the market right till your money is exhausted and your skin is way worst than you started off to begin with.

Let’s face it, beauty trends are on the rise by the hour. Every day something new crops up on the market promising you flawless skin and what not…What do you do? Give In and try everything or stick to your preferred brand?

So, who’s word should you take? The influencers who get sponsored to put you into debt for something that doesn’t really suit your skin type but promises miracles overnight?

I am no beauty expert, neither am I on anyone’s payroll. I am an ordinary woman like you, who is not one to spend loads on unnecessary make-up.  However, like any one out there, I always want to look and feel good. I am promoting this small business because they stock authentic products. What’s more is that you will gain free beauty tips from them too.

Everyone knows that make up has that instant feel good affect from the moment it touches your skin.

The Big Question

Do I use make-up?

Offcourse, I do wear make-up.

In fact I love it! The big question though, is what sort of make up or beauty products are out there that can actually fix your flaws while enhancing your features without making you look like a ghastly made-up clown.

Too many ladies become so obsessed with changing their appearance while utilizing make up. We don’t often realize that overdoing it actually spoils our natural beauty.

I have met ladies who pile on the foundation when they don’t really need to. They end up looking like a delicious but nauseating birthday cake with too much of icing.

In my recent quest to find an authentic beauty brand that works for me, I met a remarkable lady. She changed my mind about those fake people who thrive on selling you products which you do not require!

She has captured my interest by revealing specific products which have literally given me a few extra minutes in my day.

 To be quiet honest, as I was growing up, make up was the last thing of any concern to me. I was only allowed a minimum of kohl and lipstick.

Me being me, I opted for bright red lipstick whether it suited my skin tone or not…eye-roll.. (Do you even blame me? This was all I was allowed as a teen.)

Covering Up Freckles And Flaws

Farsali

When I turned twenty one I became pretty self-conscious of my freckles.

One night at a friend’s wedding, a make-up artist went to town with my face. It was the first time in my short life, in which I had been used as someone’s guinea pig. Surprisingly, I was pleased with the results.

This expert whom I was in awe of, finally got rid of my freckles which I had always been self-conscious about. There I was shining in all my glory ready for as many photographs..as I could pose for.

However, a month after the wedding, upon careful scrutiny of those wedding photo’s I was appalled. Facing me was not me, but someone that barely looked like me. Whoever knows me will tell you that one thing I can never be is fake.

Those fancy snaps made me look like a supermodel but to be honest I was way overdone. Instead of being thrilled about the results I was rather miffed. What was I thinking? I wondered as I stared at that album in amazement.

The Best  Beauty Products

Mario Badescu

To cut a long story short since that day, I have been searching for a product that lightly conceals my freckles without hiding them completely. Now that I am all grown up, I do love these freckles and realise what a shame it would be to cover up the one feature which distinguishes me from others.

Last year, a close personal friend on the Gram mentioned something about Farsali. Upon her recommendation I came across Mystic Beauty and seeing that her prices were fairly reasonable, I decided to give her products a go.

Ever since I can recall, mom and I have always used Estee Lauder and Elizabeth Arden. For me to take a chance and try something new was really big. I needed something for highly sensitive skin that would not leave me with break-outs and scars.

Online Store That Won’t Rip You Off

We all know that online stores can be the biggest con artists. They usually promise one thing and deliver a completely different product. Some even sell fake products.

At first, I was rather skeptical to invest my money in so called designer branded make-up. Regardless of my misgivings, I took the plunge and made my first purchase.

My first product which I purchased from Mystic Beauty was Farsali Skintune Blur. I am absolutely in love with this product. After applying my moisturizer, as well as a few drops of Farsali – and this helps blur and diminish fine lines as well as freckles. (After thirty you will start to notice all these flaws)

Since I have been using Farsali, on two separate occasions I was asked about the brand of my concealer. I smiled and I said: “I don’t have any on.” Nobody really believed this. It’s the truth though.

Farsali is all I use before applying either some blusher or some eye-shadow and a light slather of lipstick. Farsali is not just a corrector but also works from within to improve skin conditions.

Huda Lipsticks In Bold Colours To Choose From

The Lady Behind The Store

The person I must thank for the easiest make-up routine and best beauty recommendations is Ayesha, the owner of Mystic Beauty. Mystic Beauty is a fabulous online beauty store that stocks amazing authentic branded beauty products as well as designer handbags.

While there are many retailers that stock some of the brands which Mystic beauty has on promotion, not many of those ladies out there actually give you honest advise and personalized service.

Fiorelli

Conclusion: Make up should enhance your beauty. It should not turn you into a clown. If you want to look natural, don’t slather on make up. Use it within limits and use natural colors that match your skin tone.

What Your Mama Didn’t Tell You About Boys And Men??!

I have been beaten.

I have been broken.

I have been hurt by men.

Still I say this below…with utmost certainty…

Before you dive into this post….

I will tell you a tiny story…It is actually one of my experiences. Back in my city it rains torrents during Winter. One day, during the midst of a storm, something happened to me which altered my mindset.

On that dark and bitterly cold day, I was forced to visit the local shopping mall for some errand that just had to be done. As I was driving, my car hit a huge puddle and came to a dead halt, in the middle of a misty and busy road. Surprised and in a state of panic I tried to restart my car.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my window. I looked up startled and taken aback. Standing outside, rain dripping off his hair, was a really tall man who looked straight into my eyes. I assume that he had been driving beside me. This is probably how he noticed what had just happened with my car.

He stood outside while the wind howled and the rain poured on. I did not know him. Who is he, I wondered and what does he want? What was he trying to say to me? I tried really hard to decipher his gestures before I gave up and rolled down my windows slightly, in order to hear what he was trying to say to me.

Darkest Morning

He motioned for me to release my hand-brakes. He then shouted so I could hear him above the sound of the howling wind and downpour of rain: “Let me get you safely off the road. I am going to push your car there, he said as he pointed to the mall.

This man, this complete stranger who knew nothing about me, got out of his car on an icy cold rainy day, to push my car into the parking lot of the mall. He did not want another car to knock me from behind and cause a huge accident. While I sat in my warm car, he got out of his car and did this for a woman he did not even know.

While there are a million bad men raping, killing torturing, beating and breaking woman on a daily basis, there are a lot more good men out there! Do NOT forget this, ladies!

Yes, you heard right. I said it with my own mouth. I repeat…. There are good and decent men out there who are extraordinary!

Are You A Perfect Gentleman?

No, I am not on high from smoking weed!

Yes, I know what I am speaking about!

Every day you hear about men who beat the daylights out of women. Every twenty six seconds a woman is raped in South Africa. That’s correct! You heard right…every twenty six seconds!

Yet, here I am still standing up and saying this out of respect for that percentage of good men out there who raise the bar within society.

You don’t always hear about the good guys! They don’t always get the credit for their good deeds. These men…. they treat their woman-folk with silk woven gloves. They will love you, protect you, nurture you, grow you, push you, and never forsake you. They exist out there. I can honestly say they do!

For starters my father and brothers are good and decent. I can also produce a long list of names of many decent men. There are some who would sacrifice their lives in order to protect their woman.

If what I related to you above, is not chivalry, I don’t know what is. Recently a friend of mine became really ill and bed-ridden. Her husband left his high flying and high paying job to stay at home and take care of his wife. He could have hired a maid or a carer. He didn’t. He chose to take care of her with  his very own hands. It gave him pleasure to be by his wife’s side and be the one she could depend on.

My Father Is My Superhero

There are many loyal men. They are the superhero’s of society. They are unrelenting in their pursuit of love, kindness and mercy. They know their duties and its obvious that they were raised well. Some of these men will go all out to assist you if you need help. These men they fear their creator. They don’t shy away from their duties no matter what happens.

They Are Real Life hero’s

Its heartbreaking though, that they have to pay the price, for those men who create havoc within society. Honorable men are sometimes looked down upon because of other rotten apples.

Often we as women, we are so weary here in S.Africa, that we actually look at every man with accusing eyes that scream RAPIST!

So..ladies, let me say this and I want you to hear this and save it in your hard drive. If I could shout it out from rooftops I would say it. While really bad men, and I mean lunatics and sociopaths, they exist. The creeps of society, yeah they are out there. However, don’t rule out each and every single guy and categorize him as “BAD”

Do you know how many men are actually beaten by women? Do you know that they are too embarrassed to come forward and speak about it? Men are also abused on a daily basis by women. Emotional and physical abuse by women against good men is not rare. For this type of women, I have no names. I don’t even know what to call them. Such women who abuse the good and decent guys out there. They are absolutely despicable.

So ….before you go all out blaming every single man, and calling him names, just know this:

Good and decent men do exist. Just because your experiences lead you to rotten, ugly hearted beasts, it does not mean that all men are the same. This article is dedicated to every man who respects all women, regardless of who she is, where she came from and what she has done. It’s for those men who go all out to bring safety and comfort to each and every woman out there.

This blog was written for the superhero’s of society. If you have never raised your hand on a woman, defamed her, humiliated her, hurt her, forced yourself upon her, made fun of her or cheated on her. You are a real man. If you work hard, you remain loyal, you do not lie, cheat or abuse woman in any way then I salute you! Hats off to you!

Keep being the great guy that you are. Upon careful scrutiny, you will find that there are dozens and hundreds and thousands of women who actually truly do appreciate good men!

To the good guys reading this…

Thank you for being a real man and a perfect gentleman.

This one is for you. Dude, you rock!

Ladies, please share this for all those good guys out there to see!

Do you have a story to tell about chivalry?

Any of you experience unexpected kindness by a gentleman lately?

I would love to read about it!

Comments are open for your response…

This Is How You Prepare The Perfect Piece Of Steak

Succulent Juicy & Medium Rare

I don’t always share special recipes with just about anyone, but I have been inspired by my late aunt to do so. I know one thing for sure. When you share a recipe with someone, each time they create this signature dish, they will think of you, and maybe even pray for you.

Having grown up with a family of blockmen it is no secret that I am a full-blown meat lover. When it comes to steak, I can be hard to please. Any old rubbery steak won’t do. It has to either be a thick juicy piece of rump or proper soft, melt in your mouth fillet.

However, the thing with steak is that not everyone knows how to prepare it to perfection.

There is only one sure way to prepare steak. The pan needs to be extremely hot with pure butter.

 Now, many people like their steak well done, but I like mine medium rare and I don’t mind it rare as long as its not bloody. Being a typical Indian, my steak absolutely must not be bland.

There are some though who kill the actual taste of steak by over spicing it. I like a subtle hint of spices for extreme flavour.

Steak isn’t steak without a good quality Worcestershire sauce either. So if you want, you can stick around for a tried and tested fool proof method of creating the best tasting steak you have ever had the pleasure of tasting.

This Is How I Prepare It

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I marinate the steak at least two hours in advance with a paste of ground ginger and garlic. To this I add some barbecue spice, pepper and ground coriander. You could add some chillie flakes if you want some extra heat. Sprinkle a dash of Worcestershire sauce and leave this to marinate for a bit.

When you add the meat to the pan, make sure that it is at room temperature so as not to cool off the hot frying pan. The pan needs to be rather hot with about a tablespoon of pure unsalted farm fresh butter. After the steak has cooked for about 2 minutes you can add a tablespoon or two of fresh cream, depending on how much of steak you have and how saucy you want it to be.

Allow this to cook for about two to 5 minutes on high heat, depending on your preference. Lastly season it with salt just before serving it.

Served With A Greek Salad

I swear, this is lip smackingly delicious!

Modern yet Modest

Beautiful Women

Sharing my services with the community

By no means is this an advertising platform. I am here to write and convey my journey of self-development to you. Part of self-development and being a good human being requires sharing your time, your heart and your being with others.

On this note, I have decided to assist entrepreneurs and small businesses at least once a month with marketing. This service which I offer is free of charge, and mostly to empower women to take charge of their lives. It does not actually matter who you are. Whether you are male or female, as long as your products are of a higher caliber, I will review them and choose whom I wish to feature on my blogs.

Online Boutique

Without further ado, I would like to present some of my favorite items to you. I have collaborated with an array of small online boutiques to bring you items which you may purchase for yourself this February, in light of self-love and self-development.

February month of love

Treat Yourself!

Modern and Modest

What you need to know is that you are a beautiful, courageous and a breathtakingly stunning human being, with or without a partner by your side. You deserve to spoil yourself, love yourself. Why wait your whole life for someone else to show you your value, when you can value yourself and know your own self-worth?! Purchase your own dress. Send yourself flowers if there is nobody to buy them for you. If you have a partner to spoil you then indeed you are blessed. I am certain that he will be bowled over by these outfits.

So let’s get down with it, right now…

Upcoming Designer

Do you know what Coco Chanel said about women?

She said: “ You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life!”

The lady I feature today, is an upcoming designer of modest clothes, in particular, streetwear that is unique, chic, sassy, classy and elegant. Well…I thought so….

When I was fourteen my mother sent me for fashion designing classes and bought me two machines of my own to use to create my own outfits. I guess my mother got tired of buying me all those fancy designer dresses. The honest to God truth is I love clothing, designing and creating a garment from scratch. However, I met my match when it comes to designing, or should I say, I have met a lady who truly surpasses me in her designing skills. It is the whole truth.

Hijaab Style

Hijaabi Queens

Here are some of her stunning and trendy hijab style items which I think have earned a special place of must-haves on my list. I have chosen a few favorites. I contacted her and after a brief conversation she was very responsive and permitted me to feature her lovely items.

Be Different

After careful scrutiny of the products, I was truly bowled over by the range and her show stoppers are truly to die for items. I bet your hangers in your cupboard are screaming out Rafia ’s brand name Modualapparel.  Can you resist these soft, flowy, distinct patterns and amazing designs draped loosely over you? These items are created with passion and the sort of creativity that I find rare.

Busy as a bee

Street Fashion

Young and Hip

These outfits were carefully put together in such a manner as to reduce the shape of your body and conceal more than revealing. They are, however, unique and eye-catching, with colors that every single woman covets. They are not just for Muslim women. Any women will feel like a princess when she models these outfits for her beloved family and friends. The aim is to introduce young women to the joys and pleasure of covering up while remaining part of the street style, street fashion, and street trends…

Lady in red

Formal and casual range

Everything is not always black and white

With two ranges to choose from, you will most certainly be spoiled for choice. What I loved about these garments is that their price range is not way over your budget as most Islamic wear is. Rafia’s range encompasses timeless beauty and elegance.  I guarantee, that most husbands with gheerah (mild possessiveness) will be relieved, stunned and pleasantly surprised when you adorn yourself with these lovely outfits. Priced between R750 to R950 for the casual range and R1200 to R2500 for the exclusive and smart range. I think these are a total steal! They are utterly unique which means that your frienemy won’t be caught wearing the same outfit as you.

Cool Summer Florals

Dress it up with heels

Bold and sasy

Teen image

Elegant Woman

Feminine and flowy

So here goes…

Rafia may be contacted via email: rafiah@zaraf.co.za

Alternately you may call her on +27820534665

Alternatively, check out her clothing line on Instagram @modualapparel

Rafia offers courier services.

She is based in Johannesburg, South Africa

IRISH MOSS – 7 MEGA HEALTH BENEFITS

Irish moss is making a comeback as the multi-functional whole food that can improve your health in so many ways. It’s been around before you were even born. To be precise, Irish Moss has existed since before the 1800s. Who knows, maybe your forefathers have also used it for its health benefits? It’s probably the reason you exist.

On my side of the world, it’s Summer time, which means that it’s time for me to stop being a couch potato and start getting my body into shape. If you are anything like me, you must be feeling motivated to take your health more seriously, at the onset of the new season.

I actually stumbled across this wonderful health food while chatting with a potential client. Thus, I decided to share my research with you.. Here is what I found out about Irish moss and how it can benefit you immensely:

Irish moss helps you to heal from within, both physically and mentally. It’s no wonder that celebrities and health fanatics are scrambling to get in their daily dose. If you haven’t tried Irish moss as yet, this is one must have organic product on your health food list.

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What Exactly Is Irish Moss?

Irish moss is a red seaweed/algae commonly known as Chondrus Crispus. It grows organically and wildly on the rocky coast of Europe, North America and the Caribbean islands. Initially, it was used by the Irish and Jamaicans. Later it became sought after, throughout the world.

Health benefits Of Irish Moss

• It can elevate your energy levels

Have you been running low on energy lately? Throw some sea moss into your smoothies, soups, salads or sauces. It’s rich in iron, therefore an instant energy booster.

• Strengthens Your Immune System

Irish moss is well known for being an anti viral, anti-inflammatory, and anti- bacterial. Its high in iodine and rich in nutrients. It’s therefore recommended for boosting your immune system and energy levels, among other health benefits. Did you know that Irish moss is infused with potassium chloride, which prevents infections?

• May Help To Regulate Your Thyroid

Irish moss contains vast amounts of natural iodine, which helps to regulate your thyroid function. If you want to avoid having an overactive or underactive thyroid, use this product carefully. (consult with your doctor first)

• It Can Improve Your Mood

Feeling cranky? You should consider taking Irish moss. It contains magnesium and potassium, and B vitamins, both of which are known for elevating your mood. Studies have shown that Irish Moss is a powerful tool against Parkinson’s disease.

• Can Help You Build Lean Muscles And Lose Weight

If you are into fitness and looking to burn fat fast, you can use this as a supplement. Irish moss contains a good dose of protein to keep you full for longer. It also contains taurine so you can burn those carbs faster, especially when you exercise.

• Promotes Healthy Skin

If you suffer from skin disorders, organic Irish moss may just be what you need. Whether its psoriasis or eczema, Irish moss is saturated with citrulline-arginine, which is known for cell regeneration. It also has amino acids which increase blood flow.

• Improve Your Gut Health

Irish Moss contains fibre and live bacteria, which is a godsend for your gut.

Where To Buy Irish Moss?

The fact that Irish moss contains most vitamins, minerals and nutrients makes it an all-in-one super food. Guess what? You don’t have to go far to purchase this incredible health product! With the tap of a button, you can buy your supply of the finest quality organic, natural Irish Moss. It is sold in its raw form, as a gel, powder, oral capsule or yummy gummy. Simply visit Wellness Warehouse to buy yours today!

Grief And Loss – How To Deal With Losing A Loved One

Grief and loss are one of the most difficult emotions to deal with. So many of us have lost friends, family members, acquaintances and even neighbors to this dreaded disease, called COVID -19.

Whether it’s a broken heart which you are dealing with, or pain of bereavement, many of us have tasted the melancholic pain that comes from losing someone whom you expected to always be there.

Credit To Sucint

A very special young lady prompted me to write this blog.

Recently, I made a post on Facebook about needing a translator to assist me. A lovely lady, (whom I have never met before) almost immediately responded and translated what I required.

While we were getting to know each other, me being me, I asked her why she was still up so late at night. (Eye- roll.) This lead to a few other nosy questions from my side, and she opened up to me about the recent loss of her beloved father.

I honestly cannot even begin to contemplate losing my father. I don’t think that’s a pain I am strong enough to endure.

To be honest, when she spoke about her father and their pain from his loss, something truly tugged at my heart. There have been so many people in my extended family who suffered from COVID and also, a few deaths in the family due to Covid. Nobody can say that this dreaded virus hasn’t touched their lives.

Naturally, being an empath, and having experienced grief and loss before, I know what it feels like to have to mourn the loss of a loved one all on your own.

A Good Day Can Instantly Turn Destructive

The saddest part about grief and loss is that it creeps up on you when you least expect it to. You could be having a good day, considering the circumstances. When I say good, I mean you woke up and took a shower, put on fresh new clothes and even paid attention to work and or your studies.

Then suddenly like an icy cold grip constricting the walls of your throat, grief overtakes you. All  of your natural defences cannot help you in that moment of pain and turmoil.

Understand that all the emotions you are feeling right now are an absolutely normal part of grief and loss and eventually, healing. Give yourself a break and don’t be too hard on your own soul. Rest assured that you will get through this!

Momentary Emotions  And Circumstances

You must know that whatever you are experiencing is momentary. Light is often borne from darkness, so do not feel like you won’t make it through this. Every trial that you have faced brought you where you are today.

Take some time out to reflect on the past and your greatest trial and the things you thought you would never make it through. You overcame your obstacles or you wouldn’t be here today facing another one.

Quick Question For You

If your loved one was still alive, do you honestly believe that they would want you to destroy yourself because they are no longer around? I think not.

Now that we have discussed your emotions briefly, lets talk about healing and the different stages of grief which you will experience before you are completely healed. If you try to suppress any of these emotions.

They will eventually lead to self-destruction. You will not heal completely. The pain will keep returning silently and show up at odd moments. So, you must face whatever touches your mind, even as fleeting or numbing as the feeling may be.

What Are The Seven Stages Of Grief?

1. Shock and Denial

If you lost someone unexpectedly and you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to them, you won’t be able to accept their loss immediately. At first you will be filled with denial. What’s even worst is having lost someone you love, and you didn’t even get to make peace with them before they passed away.

• Pain & Guilt

Due to COVID many of or loved ones may have experienced an intense amount of physical pain. Some of them may have even passed away alone in a hospital. The guilt of being the one to survive COVID can eat at you like a leach sucking the life out of you. You will feel like you should have taken on their pain. You will question fate and wish it was not them but you who should have passed on.

• Anger And Bargaining

Pain, which is usually suppressed, is expressed as a form of anger. Many times, our pride prevents us from revealing our true emotions. We want to be brave because it’s difficult to become a burden on our friends and family. Anger keeps us from expressing the pain that we cannot let go of. You will wish that things could have been different. Those ‘if only’s’ will not leave your heart in peace.

• Depression

The divide between sadness and depression is often blurred when it comes to grief. You won’t know how or when your sadness became full blown depression if you don’t deal with certain emotions head on. You have to take note of your emotions no matter how strong they may be, and make a point of reflecting and understanding your feelings.

A Small Milestone Towards Healing

A day will arrive where you will get tired of being unhappy. You will eventually wish that you could feel better like everyone else around you. When this day arrives, although the pain will still be there, like a dull throbbing ache, you will be on your way to healing and moving on.

Dealing With Your New Life

When you finally feel like you want to lift that weight off your shoulders. You will start thinking of tomorrow. You won’t feel like you are on survival mode any longer, trying to make it through this day, here and now. You will bravely face any obstacles before you, most probably with a lighter heart.

Hope And Acceptance

Credits To Jackson David

One day, just like that, out of the blue, you will find that your heart has adjusted to the loss. Understanding and perspective will dawn on you. You will even begin to hope again. You will feel a semblance of your old self reappearing. You will get an internal reminder, that its time to move on to the next stage of your life.

Every single one of us handles our emotions differently. Some of us are emotionally mature and can heal within a shorter time span than others. However, you cannot rush yourself through each phase.

If you are feeling stuck at a particular phase its probably because you pushed yourself too hard. You are most probably suppressing emotions and lying to yourself to avoid dealing with your intense pain.

How Do You Help Yourself?

• Nobody can help you out of your rut if you don’t make an active decision to take charge of your life. If you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions, sometimes finding a trustable companion to speak to, can be your first step to healing.
• Embrace the memories , both good and bad.
• Love yourself. How would you help a friend in your situation? Would you force them to get over things?
• If speaking to someone isn’t helping then maybe speak to your family practitioner to refer you to a psychologist or a psychiatrist for anti-depressants and anxiety medication.
• Take baby steps and set yourself healing milestones.
• Reward yourself for the positive changes which you make towards healing.
• Find a journal and record your emotions if speaking about it feels difficult.
• Go for regular massages and heal yourself through self-care and eating healthy.
• Don’t ignore your friends and families offer for help. You shouldn’t allow yourself to sink into a hole of darkness.
• Look for new hobbies and interests that can distract your mind from falling through a maze of  melancholy.
• Speak to others who have been through similar situations as yours and dealt with their grief and loss successfully.
• Join a group. Humans move in packs and we are not meant to live in isolation. You will be surprised at the amount of people who have experienced similar situations as you. Some of them may provide insight to help you to heal.
• If you are in lock down, become part of online groups and stay in touch with people digitally.

Parting Advice:

Perhaps the loss of your loved one will have a huge impact on your life and change who you are. You should turn your pain and sadness into something constructive by channelling your emotions into a hobby or new interest that can eventually serve you and be good for you.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I am hurting, reaching out to others who are worst off than me, often helps me to forget my pain. There is light after darkness.

The sun always rises after the darkest night. Never lose hope. This too will pass you by. You can only grow and learn from this experience. I wish you a healthy healing and recovery and peace of mind.

Have you recently lost a loved one? Are you experiencing untold grief at the moment?

Please feel free to share your story with us. You may just be able to help someone through sharing your experience!

Take care of yourself. Until next time, Shamz

Want To Know How Your Morning Routine Can Change Your Life Drastically?!

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15 Fail Proof Ways To Kick Depression Out Of Your Life

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A Diagnoses Is Not A Life Sentence

A few years ago, after a heart-wrenching experience, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. It took me one year to get my groove back and release myself from the icy cold grip of depression and anxiety.

Crying for days on end, not being able to get out of bed all in the quiet while hiding my feelings from loved ones with a smile plastered on my face, was the norm for me. Realizing that it was not going to be easy to get out of this miserable state, all on my own, I decided to get some help from a trusted therapist.

Because of Fibromyalgia I often suffered from sleepless nights. My G.P suggested the combined use of some sleep aids as well as anti-depressants. At first, I was highly reluctant. I will admit that I hate drugs of any sort. Whether it is prescribed by a doctor and really required or not. Swallowing tablets each day, to me is a tedious task. It’s not the bitter pills that get to me but the side-affects which I find to be tricky and challenging.

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Short Term Happiness

My G.P suggested a certain medication which I finally decided to try. At first, I was thrilled because it made me lose some weight and seemed to suppress my appetite. After a short while, the affects started to weigh me down. It took three weeks for me to get out of the zombie-like state I was in. Three weeks later, after the initial phase, some of the short-term side-affects were wearing off.  I was feeling much better, but my weight started to pick up steadily among two other side-affects, particularly insomnia. I was so sleep deprived that I went as far as seven days with as little as five hours of sleep for the entire week.

Strong Resolve To Overcome Depression

You Have To Help Yourself!

I continued taking the medication for about six months. My fibromyalgia at that point had escalated and I suffered from carpel tunnel syndrome and severe pain in my hands, feet and back. Stress and heartbreak was tearing me apart. Although I resumed working I was still not entirely back to my normal cheerful, bubbly self. My doctor suggested that I try another anti-depressant which I declined. After the sixth month of continuous use, I decided to wean myself off the current anti-depressant I was on and the sleep aid. I was determined to fight depression and anxiety all on my own with the help of the Almighty.

Kicked the Habit

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It took me another 2 months to get off the medication completely. I had nights and days of severe anxiety which returned with twice the kick and bite. I started crying again every single day for the next two months until one day, just like that the anxiety, the pain, heartache, hopelessness and the anger, all disappeared. Just like that, within a short period of time, I was now able to breathe and live again, not just exist, but actually start living and feeling much better than I had felt ever before.

If you wondering what I did to get to this point I am going to tell you, and then after that, I am going to leave it to you to decide how you are going to win your battle against depression and anxiety.

Healthy Mindset

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The first thing I did was to alter my mindset. I stopped with the victim mentality and started with the warrior mindset. I went to war with my demons. I exorcised them by reminding myself of all the blessings which I have, to be grateful for. I repeatedly told myself that no matter what I do, my fate has been ordained by the Almighty. I cannot fight against my destiny.

Certain experiences were meant to happen due to the poor choices which I had made.  Also, If the Almighty did not want to deliver me from my trial, there is nothing that could change that. So, I prayed and prayed till the Almighty took notice and gave me the strength to fight for my life with everything I had. I felt like I had to stay stuck in a crazy situation that I did not ask for.  I had some major decisions ahead of me and a choice to make. I chose to fight against my depression and my own mind.

Damage Control

A Trusted Therapist Can Work Wonders If You Are Regular

So… I decided to do damage control to correct certain things in my life which took me away from who I really am. While there were still many answers which were missing, at some point I figured that I had to make a tough call and cop out of a sad situation. Let me tell you this, my decision angered many people. Still, I remained strong in my resolve to do everything in my life in the way Allah swt would be pleased with me. Still, I did not get my answers nor closure. There were days in which I felt like I would not make it.

I almost gave up my resolve and wanted to take my decision back. I came so close to doing this and then it took a major occurrence that opened my eyes to the reality of the situation. I felt very alone in this decision because everyone was upset with me including family members. I had to stand tall and be my own support, give myself courage and strength. There were two people who stuck by me through this ordeal and I will never forget those people for as long as I breathe.

Listed below are some of the ways in which I re-built my self-esteem and picked myself up. I got out from the deepest pit of darkness. I did it all on my own, and so can you!

Best Morning Routine Ever!

Meditation

• No matter how difficult it may be, no matter what your experience the night before, wake up early in the morning. An hour before sunrise is perfect. Don’t allow yourself a lie in or a few minutes extra. When your eyes open, be thankful to the Almighty. Thank him immediately upon opening your eyes. Practice sincere gratitude for every single blessing which you have no matter how small it may seem.
• Pray! Pray! Pray your 5 daily salaah! (FOR MUSLIMS) Tahajjud salah and reciting the holy Quraan each morning. meditation and reflection assisted me with dispelling my fears, worries and anxiety. I prayed as if I was talking to my trusted friend. Thereafter, I left everything entirely in the hands of the Almighty.
• I constantly ask the Almighty for forgiveness in the form of (chants) adhkaar. I also recite specific gratitude prayers along with the prayer for serenity and patience.
• Make your own bed before you leave your bedroom. Have a healthy breakfast. Begin working out an hour after you have eaten or immediately after your prayers and meditation. Exercise is essential for the cure of depression and anxiety. Even 15 minutes a day of high intensity exercise is sufficient for the start. Start small if you must but get your heart rate going.
• Neaten your own space and declutter your living areas.
• Write a list of things you wish to achieve for the day. Its vital to journal your weekly, monthly and yearly goals and plans. When you do this, you are actually putting out your wishes and intentions to the universe.
• Meditate and do breathing exercises for stress release. This assists with anxiety. As you breathe in through your nose, recite ta-awwuz and tasmiya and put your hand on your tummy, then release your breathe, through your mouth. Imagine yourself in a place that brings you joy. Picture it as if you are there. Reflect on your inner thoughts and release all negativity.
• If you are a Muslim and you are listening to Music. Stop! Certain songs have harmful effects on your mind through the words, especially when you are depressed.
• Instead play ruqya and listen to the recitation of the holy Quraan. Contrary to what many believe Ruqya is not just a treatment for the harmful affects of jinn, but also a means to overcome depression and anxiety.
• Use essential oils within your home. Sage leaves are excellent to burn and remove bad energy such as anxiety. Also use bukhoor and lobaan in your house. The smell is calming and excellent for depression as well. It clears bad energy.
• Plan your meals so that you have healthy foods on hand, whenever you are stressed. Maintain a healthy diet free from processed foods and drink loads of water
• Learn to not take things personally. Let things go. Keep your soul decluttered from thoughts that weigh you down. Think positively and in this way, you will attract positive experiences to your life. If there are toxic people surrounding you, let go of them and learn to disengage your mind and desensitize yourself to them
• Invest in regular massages, cupping and therapy if you must. Find a trusted therapist who will be able to practice cognitive behavior therapy with you in order to teach you specific skills. These skills will assist with stress management.
• Stop comparing your life to that of other’s. If social media is making you greedy and ungrateful, its best you keep your distance and find other ways to stimulate your mind. Develop new and meaningful hobbies which you are passionate about. Make new friends. Do not Isolate yourself. Spend your time outdoors and get some sunshine by enjoying nature.
• Lighten up and laugh. Smile more often than you frown. Go out and do charity work. It brings immense satisfaction and also creates gratitude in your heart. You don’t need to have money to do charity work. Volunteer your time with causes which are dear to your heart.

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Conclusion:

Contentment Find Its Way To Those Who Never Give Up

There is stigma attached to seeking therapy for depression and speaking about mental health. You should not allow uninformed opinions to sway you from seeking help for a condition that many people experience at some point in their lives. Its normal to have moments of sadness and even become depressed over life altering experiences.

However, dwelling in the past and staying depressed for a long time, is not okay. If you are in such a situation you must motivate yourself by making an active decision to take charge of your life. Infuse life into your own life. Don’t just breathe, start living again. Only you can help yourself and heal yourself! Have you suffered from depression lately? Are there remedies which you would like to share with us. I would love to hear your views and positive stories about how you conquered depression. Feel free to leave your comments. I promise to respond timeously.

Beat the Stigma – 11 Tips to Being Happily Divorced

Let Them Wonder How You Can Still Be So Content

Overnight Changes

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If you found this page, it can only mean one thing. You’re either about to take a nose-dive into divorce, or you are divorced already. Whether you are white, black, brown, grey or red, male or female, everyone knows that once you are divorced, you literally become a pariah overnight.

The Mighty Question Here Is:

 Should you suffer for deciding to opt out of your marriage?

You must know that staying in an unhappy marriage, may not be the best decision for everyone concerned. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that divorce is always the best option. I am saying that if you were in a situation where you were forced to walk away from the marriage, you should not be ashamed of your decision.

Your happiness does not depend on societies expectations. Hold your head up high. Its society that needs to curb their flapping tongues, but won’t.

Death Of A MArriage

Divorce Has Become A Trend

In Western countries, divorce seems to be a trend. It is nothing out of the ordinary for people to have experienced a failed marriage more than once. However, f you are sitting in a country like India, the stigma is even higher due to the lower percentage of the divorce rate.

Ultimately this is what it boils down to:

Moving on is not as difficult as dealing with society and how unforgiving they are. They will hold you hostage for using the get out card. It’s not as if you are not already beating yourself up over your flaws and mistakes.

 Brown Chick Problems

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As a brown woman, I can tell you that there were times when I felt as if someone had slapped a red defective sticker on my forehead. Despite the surge of “broken homes” the obvious irony is that you will never be normal once you experience life as a divorced woman.

The fact remains that woman tend to bear the brunt way more than men do. Unless a man was known for his abusive, criminal or womanizing ways, the blame almost always falls directly on the woman’s head. What nobody will come out and say directly to your face is: You are a failure. However, this is how society categorizes divorced people.

Officially Pre – Owned

For most woman out there, it can feel as if your new marital status grants everyone the right to disfavor you. In fact, men see you as used goods. They regard you as desperate and freely available with a stale and chewy sticker attached to your forehead.

Hold on to your dignity. You are no criminal. You deserve respect and you will get it. If you have been feeling despondent, read on. The fat lady has not started singing as yet, so life isn’t over!

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Great News

If you are standing at divorces door, feeling like there is very little hope for your future, my friend, I have got the best news for you ever! This feeling won’t last. If you follow these basic steps, you will find yourself in a better space and it won’t matter how society views you. In fact, if you take the time out to heal, the proper way, you are more than likely to grow and thrive. In order to get to that point, there are some things which you must do:

Reflect and Acknowledge Your Faults

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Firstly, reflect and acknowledge your mistakes. Figure out what you could have done differently. Then forgive yourself. It takes two to salsa. You were not alone in the marriage, were you? No matter what you may have done or not done, if you want redemption, then you must be merciful to your own soul first. Remember that reflection is fundamental for self-growth.

No matter how serious the problem was you owe absolutely no justification nor explanation to anyone. It is nobody’s business! The more you say, the more they will find ways to mock your mistakes. Say nothing. One thing that shuts people up easily is if you say: I am not comfortable discussing this right now, sorry.

Two things happened to me when I got divorced. People who were once good friends, walked away. Then there were those who I was not very close to, who tried to gap into my life. If you wondering why, well…the juicy tidbits, gossip and updates, why else?

The one’s that left, escaped because I no longer fit into their idea of what an ideal family should look like. I was now a third-rate citizen. Why would they want to associate with me?

Ask For Help If You Can’t Cope Alone

11 Winning Tips:

• Don’t feel shy to get help from a renowned and trusted therapist that you feel comfortable around. Find someone who is credible and experienced in this field.  A therapist is essential especially in an acrimonious, and turbulent situation. Therapists offer a guiding hand which is often priceless for personal growth.

• Seek solace in a higher power, your creator. Prayer and meditation are the number one method of eliminating stress and finding relief for your pain.

Family Time Will Help Heal Each Other

• Spend time with your children, family or caring friends. No matter how lousy you may feel, you can change your mindset if you are within the right circles. You should also find ways to make the children understand that whatever occured is not their fault. When your children seem to be coping, it automatically sets the mood within the household. Get them therapy if they need it. Building the bond between you and your kids strengthens the family unit that remains. It empowers both yourself and your children. You can get through anything if you have each other.

• Don’t isolate yourself. At some point you will have to reintegrate into society as a single person. You cannot hide from society. What you can do is start taking an interest in self-care. Remember that looking good works marvelously on your self esteem. When you look in the mirror your appearance should not depress you further.

• You must heal your own soul. Nobody can fix your life. You only have the power to fix yourself and heal your heart. You don’t have to put on a happy act, but you can just be your normal self around others. Smile and let society wonder while you continue living graciously and mysteriously.

• You couldn’t live together with your spouse but no matter how acrimonious things became, that person was once the love of your life. Have mercy on them. Be polite. You don’t have to bake them I am sorry cookies, just to make peace. However you can be decent and kind. Remember that whatever you are experiencing, they are too. Everyone doesn’t deal with pain in the same way. They may be hiding their emotions. Don’t for one second think that it does not affect them.

• If you can get the assistance of an unbiased and independent arbitrator or lawyer to iron out the nitty gritty details, do that. You need peace of mind with regards to finances and visitation rights. Once all of this has been resolved, you will be able to take better care of your own heart and be there for your children.

• Find things to do to occupy your mind. Play with your children if they are little. Engage with them fully. Act like a silly child and let your hair down. Their smiles are enough to bring your heart to life again. It’s okay to breathe and live. Life doesn’t end because the marriage ended.

• Find a satisfying hobby or take up a course that will enrich you. This is excellent for your C.V and it is sure to boost your self-esteem. There are loads of free online courses so don’t say that you have no money.

• Use the time when you are in iddah ( Muslims waiting period after divorce) to decide what you want to accomplish in life. Make new plans and set new goals.

• Also, most importantly it is wise to develop a strong spiritual relationship with your creator. Remember this: No soul can provide peace in your turbulent heart, only YOUR CREATOR can bring that peace!

Conclusion:

The longer you were in the marriage, the longer it will take to heal. Nonetheless, if you get your priorities in order, you do not have to fear what others have to say about your life. Something to remember is that society will always find a new scapegoat to pick on. You can’t zip some mouths shut, or teach people how to treat you.

However, you can condition them. They will know what you will tolerate and what won’t work with you. Walk around like the queen or king that you are. Remember that your experience does not sanction abuse of any form. You walked out of your marriage for peace and happiness. You should not allow small minds to steal your freedom.

You may never change societies perceptions, but you can find ways to not allow negativity and stigma to rule the way you move forward. A personal development plan will empower you to gain clarity and provide inner strength for you to cope gracefully. Free your soul from all that weighs you down and take baby steps, one moment at a time, towards healing and contentment.